Did anyone else immediately think of Happy Gilmore when you saw this headline?

One-eyed gator pulls golfer into pond

A man who lost his ball in a golf course pond nearly lost a limb when a nearly 11-foot alligator latched on to his arm and pulled him in the water, authorities said.

The alligator latched on to Burger’s right forearm and pulled him in the pond, said Gary Morse, a spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Burger used his left arm to beat the reptile until it freed him. (more)

What? You’ve never even heard of temporomandibular joint disorder? Yeah, me neither.

Less than two weeks before Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Competition that I was admittedly really looking forward to ever since the seemingly unstoppable Kobayashi’s world record was broken, show-stopping news comes from the King’s camp:

“Kobayashi writes that he can only open his famous hatch as wide as a fingertip without suffering extreme pain and draws a comparison to a baseball pitcher with torn elbow ligaments.

George Shea, a spokesman for Major League Eating — the group that hosts the famous competition — said that Kobayashi’s condition was “day to day,” but as far as the group knew, he would still attend next week’s event.” (more)

We’re just barely into the 82 day stretch of summer that has baseball as pretty much the only show in town—we simply can’t afford to lose stars from our majors. First Lefty and his wrist, now Kobayashi and his jaw? ‘Tis a sad day…